Big wings

We are drawn to this general state of misery and then everything that we do in life is meant to lift us further away from that point zero. It’s like we’re constantly trying to make this imaginary balloon float by blowing and waving our hands around like lunatics fearing that it will go right back to the hole we so desperately try to crawl out of if we leave it unattended even for a second. Some people call this dancing. I think we’re just electrocuted by the idea of being plain, miserable, unhappy.

If we do nothing, then we are nothing. We feel nothing, we mean nothing to ourselves, we mean nothing to the world.

And then some of us escape and some of us just remain in that depression limbo forever. We’re all just a bunch of little ants trying to grow big wings.

So, everything we build in life is meant to propel us into a sky of achievements and admiration that will finally make us complete, but what we fail to understand is that we need to be self-sufficient, not admired. Sure, admiration is flattering, being needed is flattering, being imitated is flattering or having someone wish they were us, but what we need most in life is to wake up and feel like there is nothing else to add to ourselves. I am okay. I’m okay the way I am. Regardless of what people say and how much they try to make me fit into a mold that isn’t me.

We run around asking for people to attach our wings for us, jumping frenetically, launching ourselves from others’ shoulders and falling to the ground thinking we have failed yet again. We grow our own wings from our own flesh, from our own ideas. No one can help us with that. My happiness and my wellbeing are my responsibility, I do not depend on anyone, I am my own person.

This is my heaven.*

*but I’m still working on that.

Our incompleteness is the target of businesses relying on our desire to fulfill that drives us to buy, to consume, to achieve more and more and more and our void puts money in the pockets of other people who are haunted by the same void. Every business is driven ultimately by our need to feel love – from bars, cars, shopping venues, hotels, phones, entertainment places, everything is related to love. Finding someone to love, then spending time with someone we love, then finding someone to love again. We shape ourselves using money and not our hearts because we want to be noticed by possible partners, be they romantic or not. This shirt will make me desirable, this car will make me stand out, this picture of me in a presumably exclusive place will give me a higher social status, this festival pass, this dinner, this champagne, these shoes, this life I am showcasing is just an installation for someone who will finally love me, who will finally take care of me. We complain that others seek attention when we seek attention ourselves because we want all the affection we can possibly get. We all fear loneliness equally, we just handle it differently.

Find me on Facebook here.